Sometimes I feel I am a very bad sister…..not because I fight a lot and get angry over small small things….its because I fail to understand my elder sister.
The problem also lies in the fact that we both think very differently. She is the elder one so she thinks about everybody and everything before making any decisions. And, I am the younger one, so I feel that beyond our parents and her obviously I don’t need to think about anything else while doing or saying something. I am 22 years old…and still she thinks that I am immature and that I cannot make smart decisions. I understand that age has got nothing to do with maturity, but I fail to understand that every time something happens between both of us…a fight or even a small argument…how come it results in me being the evil sister.
I came to Bangalore about one month back for the purpose of internship. I wanted to intern in Bangalore because my sister works here. So, I thought that we can spend a quality sister time together which we haven’t from quite sometime since she works in Bangalore and I study in Bhopal…which leads to us meeting only twice a year. Before coming to Bangalore, she told me that I would be living for one month at my relatives place and one month with her. I was fine with it as long as I was getting to live with her. But then, I don’t know what happened and she told me that I will have to live at the relatives place for both the months. I agreed to that as well, since we could catch up on weekends. But, there are only four weekends in one month which makes it to total 8 days and I am in Bangalore for two months which makes it 16 days….this is even less than the number of days I spend with her when she comes home. So what was the use of coming all the way to Bangalore from Bhopal and not even getting to meet her satisfactorily.
We fought recently and I suppose this is the biggest and the worst fight we ever had. I am not feeling good. I now know why she asked me to stay at relatives place and i agreed to it with a complaining tone since nothing else can be done about it as the paying guest houses in Bangalore are scary. But whenever, I meet her and its time to go back to the relatives place, I feel like crying. I want to be with her. And this is what I want her to understand and also somewhere I expect her to listen to my cribbing because I think she understands that I don’t like to leave her and go. But, this isn’t going the way I expected it to. She doesn’t seem to understand the cribbing part and me being the “read my eyes and understand what I feel” kind of stupid woman don’t want to express it. This has gone to the level when we don’t talk anymore but exchange e-mails. I can’t even cry since I am not at my home or hostel. I just feel that by not letting her know what I am feeling, I am hurting her to the extent which may not be repairable.
I don’t want to be a bad sister. I want to be the angelic, understanding and helpful sister. I want to take all her miseries away. I want to see her married and happy. I want to cut the throat of her boss and show her that she shouldn’t mess with my sister. She is my darling sweetheart elder sister and I lover her like anything. I am sorry di….for hurting you. But, I guess sometimes its too late to say sorry, sometimes you are not anymore forgiven just because you are the younger one….sometimes when you turn your back on someone, they will turn their back on you too….sometimes its just not anymore the way it was 😦