Cheerful Farewell !!

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So you really are leaving me. Eh?
You have finally decided to join the office in Gurgaon.
Umm quite frankly I don’t like it. In fact I hate it. I hated it more when you came to meet me and left just ten minutes back and I couldn’t help but watch you leave. 😦
People will say don’t be stupid, this is life. You meet people and you leave people.

But, wait this post is supposed to be a cheerful post. Because you are taking up on a totally new life. You have your first job in hand and you will start earning from this month onwards. Do you realize how it feels? πŸ˜€

It feels awesome because now I have another person beside Popsy and Gappa, I can go behind asking for kharcha pani πŸ˜‰ You have turned into a total angel from today πŸ™‚

Apart from the technicalities, I wanted to say so many things to you, but then you have to board the train and so I am posting all what I want to say. Ok?

Starting from, telling you that I am happy, I am very happy for you. I am not the only one who will have to drag her ass to class from monday onwards, you also will get up and go to office πŸ™‚

1. I am happy because you will now be able to do what you have always wanted to, when you get a job. Buy that Ricliner chair for uncle and the pretty chanderi sari for aunty.

2. Don’t think too much, for everything that comes your way might not be perfect, and I tell you what, it doesn’t have to be. Who wants a perfect life anyways? That’s kind of boring. Always remember, if god doesn’t let you have that perfect thing, it means he believes that you can handle the harder part of life. It means that he believes you are capable of taking risks. πŸ™‚

3. Also, never forget those who were there for you when you meet new people. I know I know you are not an ungrateful person, but it might happen with time.

4. Drink. If you feel like doing it, then do it. For I believe you will hate it anyways. So go ahead. Or wait I will be there in January πŸ˜‰

5. Flirt. Please. Please flirt. And tell me your great great * got slapped/kissed/ignored stories* I will be waiting.

6. Plan holidays. Firstly, because you are terrible at making plans and secondly because I like people who go on holidays. Β And how can I forget the road trip dreams, you have always wanted to go on a road trip. Right? Then plan some awesome road trips πŸ˜€

7. Be the way you are. Don’t turn into a greater sadhu. Be the same chotu sadhu aadmi that you are. Enjoy life as it unfolds and embrace every moment like there is no tomorrow. Live bloody live πŸ˜€

8. Have sex. hahaahahha. Please. And tell me how it was. πŸ˜‰ Ok ok don’t tell me, but…!!!

9. Try all those weird things you wanted to. Bring it on your plate. And challenge yourself that even if it tastes yuck, you will finish it up. Please don’t try crocodile and stuff, I will die.

10. Make money. Save money. Invest money. And be wise. Don’t be extra alert and cautious. You have your whole life to do that.

11. Learn to gamble and then teach me. No no you don’t need to gamble. I want to learn it.

12. Miss me. Yeah I know you will, and at this point I remember you forwaded me a message once, that “I don’t need to remind you to remember me, because you always do.” That was kind of sweet. πŸ™‚ But, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to miss me. Thik hai?

Now, when you are going and going pakke se, I want you to read this,

“If there is one thing I hate, it is to accept the fact that you are leaving,

If there is one thing I hate, it is that I cannot do anything about it.

You have graduated from the college you dreamt to study in,

I hope the new life brings fantastic new friendships, happy adventures and journey of a life time πŸ™‚

to the bike rides, punjabi tadka maggie, late night calls, gmail chats

to the ruthna and manana,

to the crying, to the sorry’s,

to the dhansu, fodu and gazabΒ friendship we share !!!

to the guy you were and the man you have become”

I will miss you like anything Rash πŸ™‚

You mean a lot to me πŸ™‚

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Failed you !!

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Disclaimer– This post comes out of frustration, waiting and crying. I know it seems kind of an attention seeking post, but I had no one to talk to and I can’t keep things inside me. I felt the need to get this thing out of me. Do not read if you think you are a happy person. It is a request.

When I got into 10th standard, I had this weird confidence within me. I was never scared of anything. I could very well face things in life (not that there were really big things to face, it was just usual study stuff). But, still I remember being self-confident, uptight and happy.

Then, I got into 11th standard. It was good. It was how it was supposed to be. I used to study, attend coaching classes, bunk classes and be with friends.

12th standard came and nothing changed. Except that now I had a boyfriend. I used to wait weeks, sometimes months to talk to him as I owned no personal cell phone. Things were going fine or maybe I just tricked myself into believing that things were fine. Four years went by and I broke up. On a bad bad note.

All this while, there was only one person I used to be close to and that was dost. He knows everything and knowing everything he still kept on trusting my trust in him. But, eventually I even lost dost. We don’t talk anymore. Next, college life happened and I met new faces. It will be four years in college as well, but not one person whom I could call a good friend. Not that it is their fault. But, wait I met Rash in college. He is someone I could always count upon.

What I realize today when I look back at the last five years of my life, that I have gained nothing as compared to what I have lost. I have lost some very close people. People I never imagined would go away from me. Leave me. Turn their back on me. Β People whom I always thought would be there with me lifelong. I know you might be thinking that I am expecting a lot from life, that things don’t always happen the way we want them to, that there might be no further road beyond that turn you took, that everything in life comes with an expiry date and that you lose people.

But, what remains in my mind is a question that why always I am the one at the losing end? Why always people leave me and I don’t leave them? Why is it that I cry over people and the other person doesn’t seem to care?

Is it because, I am the one who always makes mistakes?I am the one who is always wrong? I am the one who deserves to be left?

Yes, I guess so. So today after parting from another close friend, I accept the fact that there is something wrong with me within me. That everytime I think this person is never going anywhere, God slaps my face for a reality check. I promise myself from today onwards, I am never going to get close to anybody. No matter what No matter how inviting the friendship part looks. Never. I don’t want to carry with me a list of ruined and failed relationships. I swear to god, no more close friends from this day onwards.