When I get close to a person, he/she becomes my habit. I don’t know why this happens, he/she consumes a lot of my time and suddenly the habit of having him/her around me turns into a bad habit. And if later, due to any reason I have to part with the person, I just cannot stand the distance. However, recently I have realized that this bad habit of letting people hover around you and then suddenly let them leave a space, a big blank space in your life is not just a bad habit, it is letting them take you for granted.
I let this thing happen with axe for a very long time. And now the same thing is happening with Rash. I know I know he has started working and all. But, you can call a person next day when you see missed calls on your mobile phone or atleast leave a message that yes he did see my missed call and yes his eyes coordinate with his brain and decipher that there is a missed call because somebody (specifically I) called you.
So I decide everyday that fine, I won’t call him. But, me being me, like me being the biggest ass ever, end up calling him and he as always end up not receiving my call. Everything is still digestable till this point, but then not calling me back, or picking up the call while insanely sleepy is something which irritates me like anything. This gives my imagination and assumption making powers a giant leap and I end up thinking that maybe he doesn’t want to talk anymore and he is just ignoring me in order not to hurt me (how considerate, ain’t he?), or maybe I am no longer the kind of friend he might want to roam around with or be in touch with any longer (because I know he met some cool sounding chicks in his office and stuff like that),or maybe because I don’t know how to eat with fork and knife and I don’t have those sophisticated mannerisms he always wanted to teach me. In all I don’t know and I am angry.
And what I want to do is, ignore him as well. I don’t want to call him, I don’t want to receive his call, if at all he calls and I don’t want to wait for his calls. I want to pretend like I too have a life and I am not going to sit and wait for his calls or think all day what I want to share with him when we talk or make any plans with him or for him. I even plan to change my mobile number so that he can’t reach me, but the problem is I remember his contact number, and the problem is with me and not with him. Also, even if I delete his contact number, it is embedded like a gem stone (not that I consider him like one) in my memory.
Please Please tell me how do you ignore people? And I am not doing this just because I am angry, I sincerely want to learn this trick.
P.S.- You might thing that I am such a kid and the poor guy might just be a little busy and stuff, but since I am angry and I have been calling him and I am feeling bad, everybody is going to be on my side. Ok? Ok!