Programmed??

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I thought I have always been a hard core romantic woman. I love flowers, dinner-dates blah blah blah. But, then I realized a relationship just doesn’t come with smiles, kisses, promises and i love you’s. It comes with what is your problem, don’t you talk to me like that and when it gets worse, it turns to I am fed up of you or I just can’t take this anymore.

Many few couples I suppose are successful in surviving those worse moments. I know a few of those few couples. Misunderstandings happen every now and then. Isn’t it? What makes you swim across such problems is your love??, understanding?? or maybe after a point of time you programme yourself to sail through it. Maybe because you can’t let go of the person or because you are too used to such fights now.

I still wonder what my reason to stick by him is? Is it because I can’t let go of him or is it because I am just too tired to solve issues between us? I don’t know. But, what I surely know is that a carrying a relationship is no cake walk. I knew it earlier as well, and had somewhere given up the idea of falling in love again ever. But, when I decided to jump off the cliff, because people convinced me that it doesn’t hurt to try again, I realize maybe it is too soon. Maybe I am still not ready. Maybe I got too comfortable in the singles lifestyle.

Or maybe maybe I am just not the woman I was before. I have turned into a practical, none of your business, I hate cooking and cleaning bitch. I guess this is what suits me more. Why can’t for just 10 days or a week, why can’t I feel that I have a good relationship. That I am in love. That I am feeling good about this. 

Relationship and people after a point of time get comfortable with each other. But, isn’t that after a point of time? When you are all newly committed, then you are not supposed to feel tired and out of place, Are you? Is this all normal?

What is it, that is going on in my mind? I just want to be out of here and go home. Yes, this is what I need home. People I call mine, people who love me and never judge me, people I would always prefer to go back to, whatever happens, wherever I am.

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Happy New Year !!

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I never imagined celebrating (doubtful) my new year in Delhi. I was in train on the night of 31st December and now on 1st January, 2013 I am in Delhi at a friend’s apartment. I met her some one and a half year back when I came to Delhi and we shared a room together. I liked her not instantly, but eventually. Realized later that she is the sober side of me.

It is freezing in Delhi. Like really cold. I was out the whole day looking for a paying guest to put up for a month. Rash helped me all through the day, came to pick me up and dropped me back after making sure I choose to right place to stay after the recent protests and incidents in Delhi.

I hope all of yours new year eve went really great. I have never celebrated new year as such, apart from the routine ritual of wishing some close friends. So, all of you who love to party, I hope you celebrated it with the invention of some awesome dance moves, all of you who like to celebrate it quietly, I hope you did cut the cake and all of you who slept all through it, I hope you had a blissful dream.

So here’s wishing you a very happy, prosperous and wonderful new year. I wish that whatever the last year taught us remains with us all through our lives and we start this year with a new determination and changed mindset.

🙂