Programmed??

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I thought I have always been a hard core romantic woman. I love flowers, dinner-dates blah blah blah. But, then I realized a relationship just doesn’t come with smiles, kisses, promises and i love you’s. It comes with what is your problem, don’t you talk to me like that and when it gets worse, it turns to I am fed up of you or I just can’t take this anymore.

Many few couples I suppose are successful in surviving those worse moments. I know a few of those few couples. Misunderstandings happen every now and then. Isn’t it? What makes you swim across such problems is your love??, understanding?? or maybe after a point of time you programme yourself to sail through it. Maybe because you can’t let go of the person or because you are too used to such fights now.

I still wonder what my reason to stick by him is? Is it because I can’t let go of him or is it because I am just too tired to solve issues between us? I don’t know. But, what I surely know is that a carrying a relationship is no cake walk. I knew it earlier as well, and had somewhere given up the idea of falling in love again ever. But, when I decided to jump off the cliff, because people convinced me that it doesn’t hurt to try again, I realize maybe it is too soon. Maybe I am still not ready. Maybe I got too comfortable in the singles lifestyle.

Or maybe maybe I am just not the woman I was before. I have turned into a practical, none of your business, I hate cooking and cleaning bitch. I guess this is what suits me more. Why can’t for just 10 days or a week, why can’t I feel that I have a good relationship. That I am in love. That I am feeling good about this. 

Relationship and people after a point of time get comfortable with each other. But, isn’t that after a point of time? When you are all newly committed, then you are not supposed to feel tired and out of place, Are you? Is this all normal?

What is it, that is going on in my mind? I just want to be out of here and go home. Yes, this is what I need home. People I call mine, people who love me and never judge me, people I would always prefer to go back to, whatever happens, wherever I am.

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2 thoughts on “Programmed??

  1. When you are having a feeling that a relationship is becoming an ordeal, it is time to either move ahead or amend it. It all depends on what the two people involved want.

  2. I agree. The problem is I am too tired to even discuss it. I feel like I am done. Now, whatever happens I will be fine with it. 😦
    On the same hand, I also feel this is irresponsible behaviour and I shouldn’t be acting like I am doing now. 😦
    I am so confused.

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