Letter to Dost- 5

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When we were still at school, I remember I was the connecting link between Pink and another one of my close friends (you know who). It was because of me that they ‘tolerated’ each other. Though, they never liked each other but since each one of them was important to me, they had the patience of enjoying each other’s company.

This was long back. They do not even talk to each other now. In fact, the other friend didn’t even attend Pink’s wedding, which was the first wedding to happen in our group. But, still I am sure of the fact that they have never spoken ill of each other.

I feel back then, friendships were unadulterated. They were real, more understanding of the other person’s situation. When today, I sit and count the number of people I can call or depend upon, I only have one name, yours. I know no matter what, no matter how and no matter from where, I know you are just a message away. You will come leaving everything behind, and maybe because of having somebody like you in my life, I feel I have a very colorful and pretty picture of friendship in my mind.

You know I have met people who have great expectations from me. Can you imagine that? One wanted me to consider her as a very close friend though I have known her only for sometime. She even went ahead in her love for me and copied one of the letters I wrote to you because she had a problem that I don’t write about her on my blog proving to me that she has great respect for a person’s privacy and that she is the coolest shallow person I would ever know. And don’t even get me started on others.

Talking about expectations dost, what kind of expectations we have from each other? I mean do we even have any? I don’t remember. What I remember is you being a constant support throughout my drop year. Your trust in me that I will definitely make it to the college of my choice and will land with a job before passing out. We had shared dreams, hopes, values and most importantly, trusted each other. But, I do not remember us pushing or forcing each other to do or not to do something because of our own personal beliefs.

And because of all this, today I am writing to you to tell you that please go ahead and build your dream business the way you want it to. Do not get upset as things go wrong every now and then, and if they don’t you will never learn to face a crisis. You are a strong and determined person. Above all you are realistic. A businessman needs to be one.

I believe in your capabilities and I believe that whatever it is that you feel needs to be done for the growth and improvement of the business, nobody else can plan it better than you. You have nurtured the dream of taking it forward from a very long time. I am sure dost, because I know you will make right decisions and you will even retreat as and when required. You strongly hold onto your ideas but you have the patience to listen and accept the other person’s opinion as well. I believe in you, in your dreams please don’t stop believing in yourself, after all we still have that restaurant to open ๐Ÿ™‚

Love and lots of good wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

Letter to Dost- 4

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You turned 23 on 21st of October this year. I remember how I used to tease you that I am 5 months older than you. Sometimes, I wonder if this getting older day by day is making us any wiser? What do you think?

If you ask me, I personally think that it is still a very slow process for me, both learning and letting go. I still can’t let people just tread over things, but if not learning atleast I have started acknowledging the harder way of life. I missed you on your birthday. Though I only messaged you and did not call you. I feel very nervous to call you. I don’t know why.

You remember when you came to Bhopal and it was India versus Pakistan match the same day. All the girls in my hostel were drooling over the fact that you are coming to meet me instead of watching the match. I didn’t quite understand the awww’s then. I understand them now. But then, I still don’t think that either of us will give preference to any other stuff when it comes to me for you and you for me. Why the hell would you watch a match rather than meeting me? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

It is just 6 more months left dost. I will be in Delhi after that. I know after bhaiya shifted to Mumbai, you do not come to Delhi that frequently. I wonder what it would be like after the college. I wonder if we can still go together and roam around the city, the way we used to do in Bhopal. I know all that is not happening. I also wonder sometimes if you still have that calendar card I made for you. I want you to know that I still have everything you gave me. The miss you cards, the birthday cards, the good luck cards, the usual cards, the friendship cards etc etc etc. I also have that rose you got for me on your last visit to Bhopal.

You know it is difficult to have that level of understanding with people, the way I had it with you. On one hand I am glad, I had it with you and nobody else. I wouldn’t have it any other way. On the other hand, I am amazed how little do I know about people I continuously interact with. It is like after college is over, it will be like I never knew these people. They never existed. But, it will never be the same with you. Right?

It has been more than a year since we had a proper conversation. I still know that you are the first person I think of if I am happy or sad. I never felt that when we stopped talking it was for good. I also never felt that you are far away from me or that I can never reach you if we do not talk. I cannot ever feel like that. I know you are here. I know you will always be. And you know that I will always be. No matter what, no matter how.

Happy Birthday bacha !! ๐Ÿ™‚ You are my strength and everything.

Love.

Letter to Dost- 3

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:)

๐Ÿ™‚

I know you do not read my blog anymore. We both tried to make peace and be all nice and sweet to each other and we failed miserably. But, still what I fail to understand is no matter how much we fight and no matter how long we do not talk to each other, the one thing that I will always be definitely sure of is that I lost a good friend, a man who is loving, caring and a generous human being when we stopped talking.

You know I have met quite a few people when I joined this University. People I met while interning, people in my batch and some random people. It amazes me that I could never find somebody like you. Why is it dost?

This is my last year of college. And, somehow this last year is teaching me some very important lessons about human relationships. People are so stupid, they speak whatever they want to without keeping other people’s feelings in mind, some think they are very smart, some think they are above everyone and some, they are just hopeless whenever they open their mouth.

I can’t even pen down their names, as it would be playing against the rules of the game. You know you-do-not-tell-me-what-exactly-you-think-of- me game because I am supposed to behave, all calmed down and smile at their moronic faces. But, I am so glad that it is only a matter of six months and I can be back with my old friends. Friends who really care.

And now I realise that people like the ones in my University were always there when we were in school. But, somehow you always protected me. Somehow, I could never be made aware of this bacterial presence. And now when I have to deal with it single- handedly, it infuriates me to a level I can’t even imagine. I remember after I broke up with axe, when I thought that I was such a fool and so hopeless at understanding people, you told me that it is okay, first love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity ๐Ÿ˜‰

I still have that Tommy Hilfiger watch to buy for you. I am so glad I knew you once. I am so grateful that you are a person I define friendship in my life with. I am so lucky, I have your standards to match with when analyzing a man. I want you to be there at my Convocation. I know it is not happening until November 2014, but just in case you know ๐Ÿ™‚ And yes, you still are irreplaceable. Will always be.

Love

Letter to Dost-2

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I know I promised to write very frequently, but then you know how it is. When I have so many things to say to you, I can’t choose which one should I go for first. And all this choosing and prioritising leads to me writing nothing, thinking that I can deal with stuff on my own without sharing it. But, then I am wrong.

Sometime back I was thinking, what makes our relationship so special. I know we both never stressed over reasons much when it came to one another, but then really what is so special about you having me and me having you for all these years. People make friends, some lose friends, some fight and some simply choose to forget. What kept you and me together, what keeps that bond strong ?? I found some reasons, tell me what you think about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

1. Expectations:

I never had any from you. And you never had any from me. What we had was understanding. You remember we never actually used the word “Expectation”. I don’t know people around me use it all the time. Instead of giving importance to knowing where the problem lies, what everybody puts forward is that you haven’t done what they expected you to do. It feels so ridiculous dost. Sometimes, it feels like what kind of people I am living with. All they know about is that they “expected” something from you, what they can’t seem to get into their mind is that they might also be not fulfilling my “expectations” (if at all I have any from them).

2. Care

I remember when you came rushing to my house to meet me, when I got chickenpox just before the board exams in 12th standard. You wouldn’t listen to me when I said don’t come. You will catch it too. You said it doesn’t matter. You just want to see me. I also remember your reaction when the washbasin fell on my foot in Jodhpur. You were unlocking your apartment door in Indore and I told you I got 7-8ย stitches, I couldn’t see you, but I know you froze then and there. Your perpetual cold, gosh you would make me go mad, if you had that dark chocolate thing or just ice cream with patel at Top and Town. I used to get so angry and tell you this way its never going to get cured. And you would very obediently drink haldi ka dhoodh after getting back home. I miss those days dost. I miss you all the more.

3. Counting things

Have we ever counted things, things we did for each other. How disgusted I feel when someone does that in front of me. How small the relationship feels. I mean have you ever thought of doing it dost?? Isn’t it just too cheap. And if I go by figures, I would never be able to match whatever you did for me. Not that I am counting, but then I don’t understand when people do that. It is like we should nowadays keep account of everything you do for X, Y, Z. So that when they throw their figures at you, you should be ready for a counter attack.

4. Tit for tat

Have we ever done something, while fighting or while not fighting, something just because you did it for me or against me and now you felt like it is time for you to get back at me. It is like people are still in school or something. It is like whenever you got Silk for me, I should have got dark chocolate for you not because I know that you like it and I want you to have it or not because it is my way of showing my love for you but because you got it earlier for me so I should do the same. I get annoyed dost. I am so glad we never got into such dirty games.

5. Respect

You always respected me as a woman, as a friend. I could always feel your careful eyes on me. I always knew why you hold my hand in a particular manner when we are walking on the road. When you looked at the other guys on the street who stared at me like you will kill them then and there. You have never pushed or pulled me even when we were fighting in the drawing room of my house for fun sake. I always felt safe with you dost. I don’t feel that ways any more. This respect thing dost, I now realize is very important for any relationship. And is much much more important when you know it is not there.

These are just 5 things. Our special bond, exists because we want it to exist. We can never let go of each other for anything in the world. The more I meet new people, the more lucky I feel. Lucky that I have you in my life. Lucky, that I can count on you, come to you and you will be there for me with me just beside me. I promise you dost, wherever I go, what we have between us is never going to fade. I will protect us forever.

Love.

Letter to Dost

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I have meaning to write this post from long. However, I was struggling with words and wanted it to be close enough to describe what I feel everyday.

To Dost,

I never really thought that there will be a day when I wouldn’t know where you are, what you are doing, what you ate or how many cigarettes you smoked? I always believed that whatever happens, whomever I meet in my life you are one permanent pillar. Standing right beside me, protecting me, listening to me, accepting me and encouraging me.

All this suddenly changed. For the first time, we didn’t talk for eight months. Do you know what eight months mean?

I derive so many beliefs, principles and thoughts from you. I derive my strength from you. Now, when you are not with me, I feel I am weak. I feel there is a part inside me which wants to cry bitterly and badly but can’t because you are not there to comfort me. I want to talk about so many things, share so much that my memory has started aching keeping a track record of what to remember and what not to. I want you to give me those full of love visits to my college, taking me with you and not giving a damn about your work.

I want you to discuss your fears and worries with me. Plan all those big business ideas. And the best part, you preparing tea for us at your home. I loved it when you got the room on the second floor in the twelfth standard. I remember meeting Patel there for the first time. I loved it when you described to me on phone how he proposed his girlfriend.

I don’t know why dost, life seems dull without you. I feel incomplete. I had this stupid confidence in myself because I knew you believe in me. I thought I am smart, because you felt the same. I am no more confident, forget feeling smart. I think people around me are so much smarter, confident, luckier than me. I think its only struggle written all over my kundali. It’s been a year since I last saw you. I atleast upload pictures on facebook, you don’t even do that.

I always told you that I don’t like it when you drink (I know I am sounding like a typical female here), but now you always talk about your drinking adventures. I feel so alienated with the kind of life you are now leading. I can’t even understand your love for alcohol or smoke partly because I don’t consume it and partly because you know I won’t ever consume it.

Also, I feel defeated. I feel that I haven’t been able to live upto your expectations. You have no doubt always lived upto mine. You are the perfect friend, the patient listener, the strong shoulder, the comforting pillow, the cute kid, the mature man, the strict teacher, the one person I can rely on blind folded. Popsy and you always defined man for me. How both of you take care of people surrounding you. After breaking up with axe, it was you whom I could confide in with my fears.

After four years of knowing you and growing up with you, it’s high time that you must know YOU ARE IRREPLACEABLE. ย Nobody, I am very sure can ever take your place. If I could, I would have folded your body and kept you with me whole my life in a suitcase so that you can’t escape. I still feel I have not done justice with this post, I also feel I have never done justice with our relationship.

I miss you everyday, every second and every micro second of my life. I know you will read this and call me up and tell me that where ever we are, with whomever nobody can never change anything between us. And, I know you will try and be with me even if it is not possible for you. But, I never wanted us to end like this. To be with each other only in the times of need. Honestly, I have never wanted us to end. You left and a part of my good luck also went. I won’t ask you to come back, dharm sankat hai tujhe I know. That is why, from now on I will write letters to you describing from how my day went to what you shouldn’t eat when you catch cold to I don’t like Malaika Arora Khan.

Just know that a girl in some part of the world loves you and cares for you.

Love.